Killer Heatwave Warning Scorched Britain Blistering Heat Hotter Than Sahara

The thermometers suppurate, break,

And the innocent fry in the heat –

I’ve been driven awake and I’m starting to bake:

I’m dreaming of snow-ploughs and sleet.


Yes, bring me an overblown blizzard;

Let the drifts cover car, van and coach –

This sun cooks my gizzard, I’m not a sand-lizard;

My eyeballs are starting to poach.


The water’s dried up by the quayside;

The tarmac’s too hot for my heels:

Why fleas flee the seaside and even the bees hide –

A sub-zero winter appeals.


Yes, please freeze the points by the track,

And let’s get cut off on the moors –

Bring muffler and mac, and soil hard as tack –

Let the ice lock the keys in the doors.


I don’t want my shoulders to burn, no –

I don’t want my skin to be jerky:

I’m a doom-obsessed journo. Let’s leave this inferno!

Myself, I am jetting to Turkey.

1 July 2015

Britain experienced the hottest start to July 'since records began'.


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