Quiz Contestant Blues
Over the ether my image flows,
I'm the weakest link on the trivia shows.
My brain is rattling but I must reply,
I'm a quiz contestant, I don't know why.
The host rakes over my life with cheek,
My wife's in the audience; her smile is weak.
Tarrant has a hangdog, poker face,
I can't answer his questions, I'm in disgrace.
Noel knows his numbers, I don't know any;
I might win a quarter-mill, might win a penny.
I gave them a ring, and they put me through;
I want the cash, but I haven't a clue.
The audience titter, and the audience squeal,
Ask me the question, Noel. Deal? No deal.
When I'm a veteran, I won't be restful:
All calls are charged, but not all are successful.
This is one of nine Auden parodies written to celebrate Auden's centenary in 2007, and first published in The Independent - click here on 22 December 2006. It's based on 'Roman Wall Blues'.
