Harry Lime has smoked enough;
Maigret never lit his pipe;
Both will soon run out of puff;
Tobacco doesn't suit their type.
In Cool Hand Luke, the latest regs
Ensure that Newman didn't chew
So many of those hard-boiled eggs:
It really isn't good for you.
In Trainspotting, drugs are off the scene:
The needles, any sign of smack's
Been axed. The characters are clean,
And hunt for numbers, anoraks.
Afghanistan? The troops, retiring,
Are kind. And no-one needs a gun:
No smoke now, as there is no firing.
The nightly news is full of fun.