Killer Heatwave Warning Scorched Britain Blistering Heat Hotter Than Sahara
The thermometers suppurate, break,
And the innocent fry in the heat –
I’ve been driven awake and I’m starting to bake:
I’m dreaming of snow-ploughs and sleet.
Yes, bring me an overblown blizzard;
Let the drifts cover car, van and coach –
This sun cooks my gizzard, I’m not a sand-lizard;
My eyeballs are starting to poach.
The water’s dried up by the quayside;
The tarmac’s too hot for my heels:
Why fleas flee the seaside and even the bees hide –
A sub-zero winter appeals.
Yes, please freeze the points by the track,
And let’s get cut off on the moors –
Bring muffler and mac, and soil hard as tack –
Let the ice lock the keys in the doors.
I don’t want my shoulders to burn, no –
I don’t want my skin to be jerky:
I’m a doom-obsessed journo. Let’s leave this inferno!
Myself, I am jetting to Turkey.
