I won't put my foot on the pedal; and Caution
Will act as my watchword and motto while driving.
I won't wrap hands round the wheel of a Porsche on
The road to perdition. No scandal. No skiving.
I'm an elderly tricycle; steam-power. A pox on
The fast and the – wait, I will sometimes be furious.
You won't catch me speeding the A-roads of Oxon.
I'm an old Sunday driver, and cautious as curious.
I will stop as old ladies cross over the junction,
And when crosser old ladies arrive, I will greet them.
I will be a great leader, in form and in function:
If you can't join the Tories, join me and defeat them.
I'm as bold as the badger, and as still as the sloth,
And a speed-cop won't stop me, his flag brightly chequered.
For I will go slow, or go slower, or both.
Everything I say will be on the record.
I'm Gordon. I grind every word out, like salt,
And where there are poor, or the needy are parlous,
I'll drive home my message, but come to a halt.
I'm Thomas The Tank (and not Speedy Gonzales).