Dear David, thank you very much
For helping us to understand
That though you haven’t been in touch,
You’re still a power in the land –
It is so good to glimpse your face
So full of tepid air and grace.
So good to see you’ve kept your wit,
Your vim, your charm, perhaps your youth,
Your knowledge – you’re so full of it! –
Your sex appeal, your wonky tooth:
So glad to hear that, in this mess,
There’s one who swears by politesse.
I see, Sir, that you would demur
From what a cabman calls a route,
When there are ways you would prefer.
He disagreed! Well, what a hoot!
A man like you? Of such great note?
These chaps, they’ve really missed the boat –
It is as if the hoi-polloi
Had once betrayed his wife and state
And been the tabloids’ fleeting joy –
So well done, setting records straight,
Reminding us the greatest spivs
Are always The Conservatives.