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the weekly poem

Scent Of A Predator

I’m pretending to be a new scandal
The kind that bites Tories in two
A sexual scoundrel, a vandal
A very exorbitant Blue
A whiff of an Archer, or Currie’s and Major’s
And then they won’t get me for ages and ages

If I was in red-tops as editor
With headlines to launch a best seller
I’d be a top Tory predator
And catching out Aitken or Mellor
Had I a duck-house or moat as a grandee
They’d couldn’t touch me and that would be dandy

I’m hoping to make Osborne toothless
I’m hoping to make Osborne nervous
I have to pretend to be ruthless
I’ll pretend I’m the whole Civil Service
Minister, please, cut it down to the bone
But whatever you’re doing, leave that one alone

But Labour may be just the ointment
To keep any biting at bay
I know they’ve not made their appointment
But it’s coming along any day
Rub in David or Ed, and I’m safe. What’s the odds?
(Thank heavens the Milibands didn’t have quads.)

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This site lists a topical poem for this week: previous week's poems are listed below.

Scent Of A Predator One-One-One Teddy Blair Space Speedcameron Airbrush To Justice Big Soc. It To Me Me Moirs Coupons de foudre Golden Generation Losers The Vuvuzela’s Curse The Firing Squad Make Your Day Blue Blood Spilling It Well Hung Memento MORI Tesco Town Debatal Attraction Hitch To Be Rich It Ain’t You, Bob Chancellor’d Be A Fine Thing Nannied Goats Godfather IV Dead Man Talking Gone To Grind Bully Beef Chips No Great Shakes Better Than Bleach Looking For Mr. Good-Enough The Naked Rambler Celebrity Cadaver Ad-Verse Top Of The World, Myrrh Cheques Away There’s No Derv In An Old Dervish I Have Not Slept With Tiger Woods Swiss Unroll ’Tis the season to be careful Give Me A Life Sentence Walls Trial Run Primate Suspect Indian Summer Thank you Mr. Herbert (boom, boom) Beetle Mania Flaming Youth The Rag And Gold Man Zero Intolerance Brown Studies Lost World Yes We Are No Piranhas Fat Breeds Fat Pulling the plug on Grandma Bird's Eye View The Mantel Of Doom Mother Moon Madness From the musical ‘Heir’ About The Size Of It A Taste Of Money The Deep Eye No Candy Gordon In Space Too Much Information Right From Wrong Receipts Troughs Son of Sponge Sun Like It Cold Slim Chance Noddy II Growing Up Do As You’re Told Deflated The Race Is To the Swift Those who can do Universally Challenged Watching Alone Colonel of Truth Give The Dog A Bonus Strictly Come Franchising Recession Flu If I Heard Obama Pooh III Bored Inspector The Bitter End Repeats Strictly Speaking Blood Lines Bibby Dazzlers Gordon Brown’s Brain Drain Wonders of the World Blog Off A Villanelle for Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow End Of The Beer Show Animal Tragic Dai’s Diet If You Can’t Join Them I-Spy Blue Turns To Grey Hi Heel Squeakers TV Tips The Beautiful Game Theft Medalling Be Prepared Sleeping Rough Immaterial Material Goods How To Be Happy Recorded Delivery Choices, Choices Flee-ee-ee Northern Lights A Real Girlfriend Dead Or Alive Let’s hear it for Bobby Mugabe Damblusters Bush and Bunker How They Texted The Good News From Gwent To Hay, or O2 b n Englnd nw tht Aprls hr Born To Rule Monsters Inc Sex and the Single Monarch The Recall of the Wild The God Particle Immigraine Saving The Planet On That Note Citizen Brit Holy Moses Star Fish Beelzebufo Hairways Mouse Drippings This Citizen Does Not Exist Longo Life Artificial Leg-Ups Tactics Saturday Knight Fever Nine Blake poems The Italian Job Here Is The Canoes The Fourth Wise Man Begging Letters Small Beer I’m On The Mountain Something Old, Something New Foreign Nationals Say It Loud, I’m Fat And I’m Proud Gene Fool The Last Post Gay Squirrels Zoom Downwardly Mobile Nowhere To Run Greasy Polls Merlin Wha Hae Shopping Beautiful Suits Statin Island Floody Hell No More Jolly Roger How Now Brown Cow Long In The Tooth Gordon Brown Reminds Me Of A Bison The Death Of The Postcard Last Tango For Paris Unintelligent Design The Butles Our Gracious Homeopath Gore-fest The Filling Confidence And Supply Money Bags Planet B Deceitful Charlatans Wilfing Marine Life Sorry State Of Affairs Putting Me Off Green Around The Gills Peer Pressure Bones Of Contention An Englishman’s Home Is His Car Cleopatronising Planet Tesco No Room At The Incarceration Jaded Surge Tea Times Execution Quiz Contestant Blues Trade Long Life If At First You Don’t Succeed, Trident, Trident, Trident Again Fluff What Fish Wish Hearty Meal Neck And Neck Criminal Justice Every Little Helps Them And Us Veiled Threats That’s the ID Running Off, With The Bloke Next Door Modelling Through Double Jeopardy Fantastic News Bin Bugs No Smoke... Bad Dream In Disneyland What You See On The Ground How The Land Lies Lord Levy (a cautionary tale) Closing Windows Vitai Lamparda Sum Like It Hot Wag Tales Publicity Seekers Liberties On Top Of The World Woadicea Beyond Belief Charm Offensive Back To The Fifties Gravity Boots ER Indoors Diesel Power Fruitcakes Early Day Not Andrew Motion Sir Humphrey Hark The Harold Café Society Hocus Bogus Dissidence Fin White Sugar Loss Leader Parakeet Kingdom Gum It’s The Real Ming A Day In The Life Blow-A-Job The Dark Side Of Santa Fags Dirty Words Oh What Fun Offensive Charm Shop Horror Quiz Pro Quo Academy Flu Cheer Up, It Might Never Scan The Authorised Virgin Big Beasts The Change-Makers Apollo On Steroids Make Advertising History Shut Your Mouth Wild Bores Scatman Distinctive Mongolian Eyes Top Up Irani, Irony I’m Only Here For The Bare Amazing Amanda Deferred Success Cosmetic Liturgy The Sun Has Got Its Hat Back Speed Cameras The Jury’s Out Kelly Hours Funny (for the most part) Organic Teaching Yes Dear Unhappy Hour Postmen Pats Hotly Denied testing poem